BY
MRS. S. M. I. HENRY.
How
closely the comfort and health of the body are related to the tempers of the soul,
few have as yet realized; nor yet how these tempers react on the body for
health or disease. Neither have we appreciated how that strange power called
"personality," or "spiritual atmosphere," etc., by which
every individual is surrounded, in which he lives and moves, and through which
he operates, works in the lives of those about him. What her
"atmosphere" means to her home, the average mother has never dreamed,
nor yet what must be its effects upon the physical sensations as well as the
mental processes of her child. The importance of at least some understanding of
this matter is so great that it should be one of her first studies to find what
effect her own personality has on her child.
You
have seen a babe who, just as soon as he was taken up by the mother, would
begin to lose his liveliness and brightness. He might cuddle down in her arms,
and seem content; but it would be a drooping sort of contentment, which would
lead to the question, '' Is the child suddenly ill?" Another mother might
be found, whose child would begin to pout and strike, pinch or kick,
manifesting a peculiar nervous irritability,
just as soon as she began to try to do anything with him; while another would cause
her child to respond with joyous brightness to her every approach and touch,
like a blossom to the sun.
One
mother says, '' I cannot understand why it is; but my children are always worse
with me than with anybody else. Whose fault is it? "Surely not the
children's; for they are, as yet, no more responsible than is the bud hidden in
its sheath. They can only be, as yet, what they are made to be by the
influences which surround them.
Writes
another: "I have four little ones to train for the Master, and nothing
would give me greater joy than to be able to bring them all with me, and tell
him, Here are the children which you gave me. But suppose, dear sister, that
you have begun all wrong; what then? I confess I am at a loss how to proceed
with them. They have been brought up thus far on the principle, Do as I say. How shall I begin to train them
in the Lord's way? How would you teach small children that they are responsible
to God alone? I am honestly seeking light on this subject, so please give me
all the help you can, and you will have my lifelong gratitude."
First
of all, in this as well as every other case, the mother must earnestly and
prayerfully compare herself with the effect which she has on her children. She
must study her child, to this end, more closely than any belle ever studied her
own reflection in her mirror. The child's conduct is little more than a
reflection of the mother's own character and nature, as they live the day out together,
perhaps alone. This student-mother must not shrink from those revelations of
herself which will come in this study of her child, and of herself as mirrored
there, nor shirk the responsibility which it will involve. If the child will
not come gladly at her call, or respond to her wishes, there is a reason for
it. Whether that reason seems to be some peculiar perversity of the child or
not, upon her rests the responsibility of
securing the power by which it shall be brought into harmony, and the evil
overcome. She may have to learn to give an entirely different inflection to her
voice — to cultivate a new one, maybe; she may have to play on a harp of many
strings, acquire both strength and delicacy of tone, of which she had not
supposed herself capable. Tone represents power, and power — the power of God,
which finds its most available channel in the human voice—is her only hope. She
will need to watch the effect of different forms of expression on the child.
Any tone or word which brings a frown, a nervous start, a cry of anger, a look
of fear, or rebellion, should never be
repeated. Those lines, flashes, and cries are danger-signals—lookout! If the cause
is repeated, it is at the peril of the entire future; repetition of the cause
means more and more of a repetition of the evil tempers which it has aroused,
until the criminal impulses of defiance or of deception are evolved, and the
disease-germs of anger and hatred have begun their destructive work in the
soul.
After
the methods of training which go hand in hand with angry words and slappings
have once been begun, there is never an easy place to stop. It is always down
grade from this point, unless father,
mother, or both together, come to the point where they are willing to throw
themselves under the wheels until a turn can be made into
a safer road. There is no way out of the consequences of such wrong-doing
against the children, except by God's way of confession and consecration,—confession
to the children as well as to God.
"Mother
is sorry she spoke that way. Let us all try to be good together for Jesus'
sake,
darling."
''
Let us not whip each other anymore; for that is not what our Heavenly Father
likes to have us do. Let us read here in his book what we ought to do. Here is
a letter which he has written to us about it: ' Children, obey your parents in
the Lord: for this is right.''' Eph. 6:1.
''
Why is it right for me to obey you, mama, and you not obey me? "
''
Because your father and mother are 'older than you are, and have been given the
care of you until you are able to learn how to take care of yourself. It is
because you are new to the world and the things which are in it, that God tells
you to obey us. We know some things that you don't know, just as you know some things
that baby doesn't know, or that little kitty has not learned. If you are not
willing to obey what God says, and to let us teach you, you will get hurt, or
sick, or learn bad things, form
bad habits, and grow up in ignorance, and maybe never know how to do
right."
"What
makes mama cry?" asked a dear little fellow of his quick-tempered mother,
as he stopped before her suddenly in his rush through the house.
''
Because mama was naughty, and got angry with little sister," answered the
mother, who had truth "in the inward part."
"O
mama! " with his arms about her neck, "I am so sorry for you. I know
just how it feels; but we will ask God to help you next time. He helps me every
time I think to ask him."
Had
that mother lost or gained by the confession? and what of the child?
''
Father is to blame: he forgot what God said in his letter to us."
"What
did he say?" asked the boy, who had but a moment before been on the verge
of rebellion.
"We
will find it and see: ' And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath:
but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.' [Eph. 6:4.]
Father sees that if he had not forgotten and disobeyed that, he would not have
done as he did with you, even if you did do wrong. Now let us see if we can't
get square by what this Book teaches us all together, and stay so.."
"I
don't like to do things when folks look at me that way.”
' 'Neither do I, dear. 1 will try to stop looking that way. Will
you help me by doing right yourself? Shall we help each other, you and I, to
look agreeable all the time, and do right?"
Try
it, and see what it will do for the little ones who are hard to govern. "But,"
you say, '' one must have great self-control to be able to do that way."
Truly.
And if one has not self-control, what then?
Advent Review
and Sabbath Herald April 6, 1897. VOL.
74, No. 14.
(Written
from the Sanitarium in Battle Creek MI.)
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